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EspañaMelodies and Marginally Sane Thoughts
10/11/08
I think its high time you guys get an inkling of my strange thoughs. So here you go. Enjoy, or be HORRIFIED. Your choice.
I don't really think I'm ready just to work.
I hate to go to school not knowing who I am or what I want, but I am honestly so lonely working, I don't think I have the social skills to just make friends without the help of school. It may be a waist of money, but at least I will be semi-forced to help myself get better at SOMETHING.
I want to take art classes, rock climbing, music classes, and basic random things. Past that, I have no f***ing clue who I am or what I want. But I don't think I'm stable enough to handle a job right now. I'm suicidal and lonely and completely freaking out over everything, sick and tired all the time, insomnia ridden. It needs to stop. If I am in school I get free counseling. Which honestly I need. And I can get loans to help me go to school. Because I honestly feel SO f***ing guilty not being able to pay rent that its killing me. I have such a horrid conscience that I can't stand it. Thank you predisposition.
*rolls eyes*
I can't sleep again. I'm out of a job. Ugh.
Ooo!!!
Good song just came on ITunes. ^_^
That just happens to pertain to not stopping at any point in your life just because of fear or uncertainty. Good.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just the stupid blonde idiot they make me out to be, who really isn't that skilled in music, or otherwise, but people feel compelled to appease just so they don't have to be the ones to crush her idiotic little spirit. Maybe people are scared by what they see in me. Maybe they don't see anything at all.
Who cares. I want to change the face of music. I have no f***ING clue how, but I know what I'm drawn to, and what needs a wake up call. My favorite genre can't die from mediocrity. Its just not going to happen on my watch. I will slap it across the face and say:
"maybe you should have taken a theory class before assuming that riding on this band's or this band's coat-tails (this is, of course, assuming that rock gods nowadays still HAVE and WEAR coats with tails!) would get you an easy ticket into the good life!!!!"
I don't want to make money. I want to make a living. Whether or not that living is god awful or splendorous beyond my imagination, I don't care, as long as people listen to me, and see that there are so many ways to see things within the confines of this very specific realm, that there is really no excuse to copy-pasta someone else's ideas in a different, but not wholly unrecognizable, different key or tempo!
It gets boring. So this is my hope. I have no clue if it will get acted upon, but I would certainly love to do so. Godspeed, brain.
I hope to god your ADD does not strike for another 50 years yet. I will hopefully be dead by then.
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Kommentare for this Blog post
No named title
Yeah, I get what you are saying.
Life sucks, not only do you have to worry about your own feelings but you also have to worry about other people's too.
I suffer from depression i guess, I sleep all the time and I fear that people are losing faith in who I am. People are such jerks, they feel that it is necessary to give their opinions on things (I guess what i am doing now counts) and what effect it has on the person they say it to it doesn't matter as long as what they feel is out.
I understand how you feel about mediocrity, It is a s***ty thing to be. What's the point of living when people don't remember your existence. There is no reason why you have to be that way, is it some social barrier that allows everything to function who gives a f*** about being mediocre I'd rather have death by ants on my gravestone than nothing at all.
I respect you man.
Other people may not see the parts that make you different but what you just said is what makes you different. You live on the thought that you can be better, and you probly think about it every day, all you need is direction and you also need someone who isnt a jerk. Someone who would rather have your feelings dominate their own.
I am not saying that I am this person. f***, I don't even have a degree in some of this s*** and that is being honest but you don't need a degree to live and you can live, you can do whatever you want there is no higher power than yourself. It was some person who made the laws that people abide but you too can be someone of significance, you can make the new rules.. If you try hard enough.
Because all you have to be is a jerk :=l take s*** from no one and do what you feel, say what you want and especially dont give a s*** about what other people say, After all they are probly the most mediocre of us all.
Don't worry too much man, I'm sure everything will turn out ok and if you ever become someone famous, I am in cue for an autograph.
You can forget about me, I guess, I will not be someone of importance to you unless you believe I am.
This too will pass...
You so remind me of "me" when i was younger! Always remember the saying "this too will pass".
beebeejuujuu
I feel like that sometimes too. Sometimes it helps to go for a run and take a nap. and work at the local fish market.