We are social animals. Our intellect and sociability dictate us to live harmoniously with others in a complex society by means of social monitoring. We take mental comparisons of others’ words and deeds; we make ourselves aware of what is going on around us. We go through impression management to make ourselves favorable to others. We modify our behavior based on what the situation calls for. All of these comprise what is referred to as Social Intelligence.

Below are several definitions of Social Intelligence by several psychologists:
• The ability to understand and manage men and women, boys and girls — to act wisely in human relations.
• The ability to “read” other people and their intentions and adjust one’s own behavior in response, based on what is perceived socially.
• The ability to get along with others.
• The ability to get along with people in general, social technique or ease in society, knowledge of social matters, susceptibility to stimuli from other members of a group, as well as insight into the temporary moods or underlying personality traits of strangers.
• Just general intelligence applied to social situations.
• A combination of a basic understanding of people – a kind of strategic social awareness – and a set of skills for interacting successfully with them.
• The ability to get along well with others and to get them to cooperate with you.

Social Intelligence was propounded by the American Educational Psychologist Edward Lee Thorndike (1920), who identified it as one of the three facets of the division of intelligence, the other two being Abstract and Mechanical Intelligence.

The social-intelligence view of personality begins with the premise that social behavior is intelligent. Mental processes such as perception, memory, reasoning, and problem-solving, serve as its guide, and not by innate reflexes, conditioned responses, evolved genetic programs, and the like. Social Intelligence is also being directed by individual differences. Each individual perceives and interprets situations differently, and with such influence every person build their own way of relating to others. Divergences in social cognition cause differences in social behavior. Still, the important thing is not how much social intelligence the person has, but rather what social intelligence he or she possesses.

Now, what if we just say the exact words or act out behaviors that our mind wants us to — with stark disregard to other’s feelings or to the situations we are in? Can an employee greet his boss “Good morning sir…” then bluntly follow a dry comment “…you talentless slob!”

Social Intelligence has long been a human characteristic since we started to organize groups and communities. It is a way of life, a social need for us to coexist peacefully and with restrained conflicts. Yet there are those who get blinded by it, those who become unable to distinguish social intelligence from conformity, those who have become chronic liars to others and to their own selves, and those who make their self-presentation to their own detriment.

Something that is good or nice or pleasant does not necessarily men that it is right; or something bad have to be automatically taken as blatantly wrong. The truth sometimes is hard to swallow, and even harder to say, but silent treatment won’t ease things out. As one composer sang “I’d feel better if you’d vent / you could never offend / your dirty words come out clean.”

Let us not transform ourselves onto social lemmings, just blindly following the wishes of others and the dictates of the society. Or berate others just because that is exactly what we think and what we feel. Let us not cage ourselves in pretensions all for the sake of being accepted, or be considered in the mainstream. Let us be intelligent, and by being intelligent means being able to discern when to let the truth out or just give sugar-coated lies, when to be yourself or when to be a chameleon. In shorter terms, be socially intelligent. Assert the practicality of whether we should “do things right” or choose “the right thing to do.” Be aware of what is happening around and act with considerations to the situation, the people around, and your own intuit.

The root cause of all the impression management and self presentation is the need to protect ourselves from conflicting, even hurtful encounters, and the desire to gain the favor of others, yet the best way is to be accepted by others as we are. Still, we will inevitably fall into situations wherein we have to restrain ourselves and choose to succumb to what the situation calls us to be. This is where social intelligence comes to play, and this is a skill that we must possess being the highest order among all animals.