The Virgin Fest was the beginning of summer for me. Consuming my life with school and a full time job as an RN on a bone marrow transplant unit-- was enough stress to begin with...

However, it is when I lost a dear friend of mine to aplastic anemia. He was my patient, diagnosed a year ago at 20 years old. Apparently other nurses described him as being the "worst patient to take care of" and "very difficult." Although, to me, he was the easiest. We got a long so well, and other nurses knew it, so I always took care of him. I worked many night shifts. Since he always had a hard time sleeping, I stayed at his bedside to keep him company. I was the only one he was able to really talk to while he was in the hospital. From what I remember, I only his family visited him, and I recall a friend or two. At one point, he said to me, in between tears, "it's you and Dan (our tech on the unit) that make it bearable to be in here"... and he was there for months at a time. It is when I went to his funeral in July that I realize how important I was to him. When I met his family, everyone said to me in awe... "So you’re Alex." I had no clue he even spoke about me. In my opinion, I was just doing my job.

He was a punk, who loved his motorcycles. When he got out of the hospital, we kept in touch by phone usually just to chat. He also called when he had any health questions. When he got better he was pushing to get me to take a ride on his motorcycle with him. I really wanted to. However, I had to draw a line between being a friend, and him being my patient. I always came up with an excuse. Now I wish I wasn't so chicken. I should have taken just one ride. We lost touch when I went back to school, from September until he came back into the hospital in June... I never wanted to loose touch... but I was happy that he wasn't calling me. It meant that he forgot about me, and he was back to living his life with friends and family. To me, I was just his stepping-stone---his transition from his everyday life in the hospital to his normal everyday life back at home.

For the month of June, he was back in the hospital-- and became sick enough to be transferred to my unit. So cachectic and weak, I literally carried this 6-foot frail man from the chair to his hospital bed. He was soon placed on a breathing machine. He was so calm with me. I guess it's because he knew I was not just his nurse- I was his friend, somebody who really truly cared- and never left his side. I took care of him the best I possibly could. I worked 5 nights out of 6 days that July 4th weekend/week when he was placed on the breathing machine... I knew he would have wanted it to be me taking care of him at this point in his life. This time, his eyes were always closed when I stood by his bedside while I kept him company. This time we didn't chat. For the most part, I just stood there in silence. At times reassuring him that things were okay and that I would continue to keep him comfortable. I took care of him for the last 3 weeks of his life.

School is ending... and my summer started that weekend in Baltimore just as I wrote above. After a disappointing performance by the previous performer... You guys were absolutely awesome. I'm the type of person that listens to the radio and knows every single song but no idea who sings them... from hard rock to classical jazz to oldies to current music... I didn't realize you sang all those songs that I knew!!!! I know I sound like an airhead here... =) but I was quick to buy all your cds... I love your song "Dig". It reminds me of Mike. And I thank you. Cheers. Alex